She Left Home for Freedom—And Found Only Silence : Is Freedom Always Worth It?

When people move to a new place for some reason, it isn’t just their surroundings that change. Their experiences, emotions, and memories travel with them too. This is the story of a girl who left her home and her familiar world in search of freedom and stepped into a life that was completely new and unfamiliar. Her journey speaks for itself—how much fear, how much loneliness, and how much hope were hidden along the way.

Recently, I went to Mumbai for my college friend’s birthday party. It had been a full ten years since we graduated. Meeting old friends after so long filled my heart with happiness and revived countless memories. Laughter, jokes, old stories, and in between, the usual conversations—who is where now, who got married, who has children, and how much everyone’s life has changed.

Most of our friends were married. Some faces glowed with happiness, while on others, tiredness and traces of unfulfilled dreams were clearly visible.

Amid this crowd, in one corner of the room, I noticed Yashna Malhotra sitting quietly. She was the same Yashna who, during college days, was known as the most free-spirited, carefree, and dreamy girl. Her laughter could light up an entire classroom. But that day, there was a strange sadness in her eyes.

I went up to her and asked casually,

“What’s wrong? Why are you so quiet?”

With a faint smile, she replied,
“I’m just paying the price of my freedom.”

She then shared her experiences with me, which I am presenting here in her own words.

Have you ever paid a heavy price for too much freedom? I think not everyone goes through this. Maybe only I truly felt it. Living in a new city, where no one understands your pain, offers support, or even shows you genuine love—there is nothing like that. There is only you: your thoughts, your memories, your loneliness. At every turn, you have to fight with yourself. Every happiness and every pain must be faced alone.

When I started dreaming, I only wanted a simple life. Doing what I liked, spending time with my people, and having a little freedom. I wanted to break free from the bonds that were slowly holding me back. Roaming around with friends, getting lost in laughter, meeting new people—that was all I wanted. I wanted to trust myself. I wanted only what anyone who has been confined for a long time desires.

I made many decisions hoping they would give me a chance to do something new. But those decisions were naive and innocent, and their reality often brought me nothing but pain and loneliness. At every step, I learned something—but the price of that learning was very high for me.

When I left my city and my home, I left behind people very dear to me and countless memories. I wanted to escape my parents’ pressure and rules, but in reality, I moved completely away from them. I went so far from my home that returning now feels impossible.

Now, when I look back, I feel a strange emptiness in my heart. The people I wanted to spend the most time with are the very ones I left behind. I left them so far away that feeling close to them now exists only in memories. That distance did give me freedom, but it also gave me loneliness and an unspoken solitude.

The city I live in now is called the “city of dreams.” But for me, it has been a city that shattered the dreams I once cherished. I wanted to become an actress, and that desire still lives in my heart. But my self-belief has grown so weak that I don’t know if it will ever return. Fear and failures shook me at every step, and the sparkle of my dreams slowly faded.

Now I live in Mumbai, the biggest city, yet I feel extremely alone. I never imagined that I could feel so lonely amid such crowds. Feeling both strength and weakness in solitude is a strange and deep experience. Every moment gives me a chance to confront myself—sometimes it scares me, sometimes it makes me stronger.

“Are you okay?”
This question once ended with pride and happiness. Now, the answer comes with just a fake smile and an incomplete “yes.” In just eight days, so much changed that it became hard to recognize myself. I had changed physically and mentally—as if I was no longer the same person I used to be. Every moment, every breath carries a sense of change, and sometimes this change pushes me even further away from myself.

I don’t even remember how often I used to cry earlier. But today, the situation is such that I can’t remember the last day that passed without tears. Every day has the same tears; only the reasons change. People often say, “Be strong.” But no one tells you how to become strong. Maybe they don’t even understand how much pain I carry inside and what I truly feel.

The smile I once wore proudly on my face is now lost somewhere. The sparkle in my eyes, the flutter in my heart, and my enthusiasm for life—all have become memories of the past. Now, every day, the same tears fill my eyes and break my heart. Those tiny drops steal all my happiness. I am so tightly trapped in responsibilities and unspoken guilt that I don’t find peace even for a moment.

Every day, I sit somewhere and cry. The place changes, but the reason remains the same. It feels as if the tears never leave me.

In this race to find my strength, I keep losing my small joys again and again. There are goals standing in front of me—heavy pressure, countless difficulties, and endless exhaustion. This has now become my life.

I have to show everyone that I am here for a purpose, as if I am doing something big. But inside… I just want one moment of true happiness. That’s all.

My loved ones cannot always be with me. My father doesn’t talk to me. My mother does, and whenever I talk to her, I consider myself extremely lucky—because those are the moments when I can truly speak my heart, without any pretense.

The rest of the time… I just keep myself busy with something or the other to distract my mind. There is no friend here who can see my tears and wipe them away. And in this vast city, there is no place that can truly give me a reason to smile.

Now, it’s just me—wandering on an unknown path, where there is no happiness, only frightening experiences waiting to be added.

Who am I?
What kind of person am I?

To answer these questions honestly, I would have to listen to my heart. But my heart is not ready yet. Around it stands a wall of pain and tears. It will take a long time to see real light, and perhaps that wall may never fully break.

Today, Yashna is neither an actress nor does she have a stable career. She simply says—

“Maybe chasing passion was not right for me. I lost everything—and now, when I look back, it feels like a stable job would have been better. Family, marriage, children. Dreams gave me freedom, but the price of that freedom became my life.”

After hearing Yashna’s story, I realized that not every dream comes true.

Some dreams demand such a heavy price that life itself grows tired.

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Disclaimer

This story is inspired by my personal observations and life experiences. While certain emotions and situations reflect real moments, the characters, names, and events have been altered for storytelling purposes. Any resemblance to real individuals is coincidental.